Romanticynicism: Love in the Irony Age

Some people dont feel safe in love unless its complete, absolute, and unconditional. Others (me, for one) only feel safe in love when it isnt. I feel safest when I, and those who love with me, know that love can never be complete, absolute, and unconditional, that unconditional love is only unconditional under certain conditions. If those certain conditions can be relied upon to last a long time, then love can feel unconditional, but it never really is.

This kind of romantic pragmatism can apply not only to loving relationships but to all the things we love. The question we all face is how to love in a world where everything changes; how to embrace life even though you dont get to keep it. For me the answer lies in romanticynicism.

Romanticynicism is a commitment to both the romantics yearning for happily ever after and the cynics detachment and indifference. (Not haughty indifference. Thats a recent addition to what started out as a respected school of Greek philosophy that cultivated neutrality.) Its not a hybrid or blending of the two. Its an extended stretch into both the warm fuzzies of the heart and the cool rationality of the head.

Either romanticism or cynicism alone is dangerous. Romantics are easily hurt. Cynics are readily hurtful. Averaged theyre bland. People who are mildly romantic and mildly cynical are mild. But if you can yoga-stretch yourself into a deep commitment to the romantic and a firm commitment to the cynical, even though the tension imposes some pain and un-resolvability upon yourself, the resulting state is bittersweet, vivid, and true.

The Quakers say, Build to last a hundred years; be ready to leave tomorrow.

The Buddhists say, Though my heart is on fire, my eyes are cold as ashes.

A New york times editor said, Keep an open mind but dont let your brains spill out.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to act.

Shakespeare ends a dying mans love sonnet to his young lover, This thou perceivest, that makes thy love more strong, to love that well that thou must leave ere long. Stronger love, not weaker. To burn with love while knowing that it too shall pass.

To me, romanticynicism seems the only way to love safely, sanely, and generously. Generously because sometimes the most loving thing to do is to leave someone alone. true love requires a broad repertoire and the pragmatic flexibility to adapt to whats needed. true love cant be achieved with adoration aloneat least not these days.

These days humanity knows more about itself, more about the long view than ever before. Culturally, weve been around the block a few times. Weve seen all kinds of things. Our explanations are becoming more reliable and accurate. And because things are changing faster than ever, theres more evidence that what you love wont hold still for long. Its harder to be a pure romantic these days, believing we can cling to anyone or anything as if it will last forever. Even our sincerest beliefs wont hold still. Our loss of navet makes us conviction-impaired. Were naturally surrendering into the cynical, detached from what will soon disappear anyway.

Yet theres also more reason to be romantic. At least in rich countries, were accustomed to things going well. Our advanced market economy encourages romance, a belief that products, services, and people can make us happy ever after. Weve enjoyed reliable technological progress for long enough that we assume the ideal is forthcomingwhat isnt perfect now will soon be.

More reasons to hope; more reasons to be suspicious of hope. Our technological success has ingrained in us faith and confidence in the potential for happy endings, while our experience gives us more reasons to doubt that the endings we see will be happy.

Being torn between romance and cynicism is bound to feel unstable, but its also an admirably accurate way to interpret what life has to offer. Its like irony, the cultural movement whose motto is, No seriously, Im just kidding. Like irony, romanticynicism can be turned into glib escapism, as though a baldly stated paradox turns every utterance into nonsense. Stretching to put a foot in both camps can be a recipe for ungroundedness. But firm footing in both makes for an honest, profound way of life.

Id recommend romanticynicism to anyone, but I suspect that it comes naturally to some of us and not at all to others. Some people simply seem born to either believe or disbelieve. And certainly some circumstances make it harder to be romanticynical than others. I suspect my temperament and circumstances conspire to make romanticynicism the obvious solution.

I know people who also think it is the obvious solution, but dont pursue it because their temperaments wont complypeople who by mid-life recognize the flaws in a purely romantic view of love but just cant help falling and then getting burnt and then falling and getting burnt again. They get sadder but not wiserand they know it but cant figure out what to do about it.

The jurys out on whether we can adapt to the ironic age weve created. Romanticynicism seems the adaptive frame of mind for it, but one that some of us just cant get to from here.

Heres the full Shakespeare sonnet:

Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruind choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. In me thou seest the twilight of such day As after sunset fadeth in the west, which by and by black night doth take away, Deaths second self, that seals up all in rest.

In me thou seest the glowing of such fire, That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, As the death-bed whereon it must expire, Consumed with that which it was nourishd by. This thou perceivst, which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Jeremy Sherman Ph.D. teaches life and social sciences, is executive director of the UC berkeley Project on Emergent Dynamics, a program to develop a comprehensive theory on how purpose, goal setting and the pursuit of success emerged from a universe governed only by the laws of phyics and chemistry--a program to put goal-seeking behavior in a fully scientific context. Jeremy writes an article a week for the free e-newsletter and podcast "Mind Readers Dictionary: Tips for reading between the lines with greater comprehension."

Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.
September 01, 2006
http://www.mindreadersdictionary.com
js@mindreadersdictionary.com

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Microsofts Xbox 360 vs. The Sonys Playstation 3

Microsoft has tried to catch up with some of the titans of the gaming world, such as Sony with the release of the Xbox 360. The Xbox 360 offers many new features that players will love:

Free limited subscription to online gaming - This allows players who have not been participating in online gaming a chance to see what is available at no charge. All Xbox 360s come with live-aware - This means you can get a friend invite or see who is online and what they are playing from your Xbox 360. The button in the middle of the controller makes all this very easy.

It offers great media features including listening to music while you play games, the ability to create custom playlists and your own custom soundtracks, the ability to rip songs from original CDs to your Xbox 360 and stream music from your MP3 player to your Xbox 360. You can also create slideshows of photos to share with friends and family. Xbox 360 has a wireless controller. No more tripping over the wires, although it can support two wired controllers through USB ports in the front. The game console is not only great for gamers, but developers as well. It is a powerful machine with an unprecedented amount of RAM - a feature added on the request of developers.

But, Xbox 360 still has some problems that need to be worked out:

Their japanese third party support is lacking - While some japanese developers offer software for the Xbox, it is small in number when compared to what the same developers offer for Playstation. While the controller is wireless, it eats batteries rather quickly. Standard alkaline batteries only last about thirty hours, so if you buy Xbox 360, invest in rechargeable batteries to save yourself some money in the end. When they were set up in WalMart stores before days before the launch, many suffered what is known as the Xbox "360 screen of death," an error screen. The Xbox 360 had also had some problems with overheating. Some report the Xbox 360 system as being very noisy when playing an Xbox 360 disc.

Many people are eagerly awaiting the release of Playstation 3, which may occur as soon as November of this year. It has been said that the Playstation 3 has an outward feel (which allows it to stand vertically or horizontally on its own), as opposed to the Xbox 360's inward feel. It is a much larger console than the Playstation 2 and closer to the original size of the Xbox. Game discs slide into the console like CDs slide into a car player.

Here are a few attractive features of the Playstation 3:

It is always on, so you can access your Playstation 3 from anywhere as long as you have an internet connection. With a Playstation portable, you can connect to your Playstation 3 and transfer media such as music and movies. The Playstation 3 appears to be much more powerful than that Xbox 360, Ninetindo Revolution, and Playstation 2. Initial reports say it will be twice as fast as the Xbox 360. Developers and publishers of over 230 games have announced titles for Playstation 3 games.

Here are a few reported cons and problems with the Playstation 360:

Comes with only 256 MB, less than the 512 MB the Xbox 360 will come with. Their Playstation Network Platform (the online service) is still in development and may not be ready by the time Playstation 3 is released.

The launch of the Playstation 3 has already been delayed due to disk problems.

Both the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 are incredible gaming consoles. It seems that although the Xbox 360 came out first, the best bet is still the Playstation 3. The strongest point of the Xbox 360 is its online functionality, but Sony may be working on something similar to Xbox live right now. However, Microsoft is closing the gap with Xbox 360 and probably will eventually catch up with Sony in gaming consoles. For some users, it may come down to something as simple as which one is more compatible with the games they already own.

Mark Robbins is a gamer providing valuable tips and advice on video game systems, game cheats, and giving new game reviews. http://www.xbox-360-guide.com

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10 Lazy Ways To Squeeze A Little Exercise Into Busy Days

There are a lot of us baby-boomers. I think we all recognize that the ease with which we used to discard a few extra kilos, no longer quite works as quickly as it used to in our twenties and thirties.

Many of us also have lifestyles that place greater demands on our time and energy. Some of us are no longer willing to spend the hours at the gym or on the road jogging, like we used to. So here are some ideas for getting movement squeezed into a fast paced schedule. Many of these you may have seen before, however how many have you actually incorporated into your life? Its always good to be reminded.

Have music I your kitchen or wear your iPod then dance as you cook or do the dishes. Same with any housework activity such as hanging up the washing go ahead, wiggle those hips! Measure a walking distance in your back garden. Take 4-minute breaks from computer work or any other sedentary activity e.g. my distance measured is 30 metres. Five times each day I drink a 200ml glass of water and directly follow that with 7x30metre walks. This way I get to walk 7 km per week and drink one litre of water daily.

Get a hands-free phone and headset. When having that hour-long conversation with a close friend or family member, walk around the back garden as you chat. Make it a habit for all lengthy calls.

Always take the stairs and always park the car as far from work, as is feasible. Get off the bus or tram a few stops earlier and walk the rest. Tighten your stomach muscles, or raise and lower yourself on your toes to exercise calf muscles, while waiting in a queue.

We used to walk to school by ourselves, several kilometers sometimes. Many parents now drive their children because they say its a safety issue. Could you not walk your children or ride bikes to school together? It has the combined benefit of family fitness and time to speak with each other at length.

Quit making use of the moving sidewalk (travelator) at airports if your work involves a lot of air travel. Use the stairs in large buildings instead of the lifts and elevators, even if only for a few of the floors of that building.

learn a couple of simple, yet highly effective, yoga, pilates or stretching moves and before leaving your bedroom each morning, use a few of those moves as a 5-10 min. wake up routine. March on the spot while watching television (and you said you dont have time!), or get up during the advert breaks and do a few stretches or laps of the room. Make it a habit whenever an ad begins. Instead of watching your children play in the playground, sitting on a park bench, get up and push their swing or meet them at the bottom of the slide. Kick or throw balls with them. Walk around the track while youre watching your children play soccer or athletic training.

Trade baby-sitting time with your sister or best friend. Get them to mind the children while youre at the gym and vice versa. Is the same opportunity available at work? What could you trade with a colleague to give each other 30 mins. time-out to go for a good walk each day, or few times a week?

Im sure that while reading some of these ideas it may have triggered a few of your own. Any of these activities are better than just giving in and saying that obesity is your lot in life. All the above is a lazy persons guide to exercise. Anyone can create a healthy body habit by habit. You do not have to be Tarzan and Jane with the six-pack, at the local gym. Movement is movement. Stagnation is stagnation. Choose!

2007 Thea Westra is an international life coach who resides in Perth, Western Australia. She is editor and publisher of a free, monthly newsletter at http://www.forwardsteps.com.au Thea also recommends http://www.lightisreal.com and http://freemoneyebook.com

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